Change is Hard

We have only a few days left in the 2012-2013 school year. For us this marks more than a change in grade and teachers these will be the last few days that we can call ourselves Discovery Dragons.

They have been building a new school near our home, they are only a month away from completion and, with the new school boundaries we will be attending the new school with a new principal, new teachers and even some new students.

My children have mixed feeling about the change. They are excited to be going to a brand new building but are sad to be leaving behind the familiarity they have with Discovery.

Yesterday my 9 year old had a rough day. He was being really mean to his brothers so I pulled him aside for a talk, to see if I could get to the bottom of his "attitude." As soon as I asked him what was wrong he melted into a puddle of tears and stifled sobs. After stripping away a few layers it seemed that one of the main causes for his distress was the upcoming changes that accompany the move to a new school.

Tate has had a hard time making friends, he's not as outgoing, socially, as his younger brother(s) and has finally made a couple of good friends this year. Both of the boys that are his "best friends" will be staying at Discovery. Tate is afraid that he won't be able to make any friends at the new school.

My heart just breaks for him. All of my boys are unique individuals with their own quirks I can see why it might be difficult for them to make friends, but at the same time I feel helpless to remedy the situation.
 
I too am having a hard time with this change. I get a little choked up whenever I think of leaving the principal and teachers who have helped, taught and loved my children.

Although change is a hard thing, for every one, I am ready for a new adventure. I am praying for the best in the coming school year for my children. I want them to be happy, I want them to feel accepted and I want them to have FRIENDS!

Tate playing dress-up he's supposed to be "Dark Link."

Because I'm Worth it!

I am about to embark on the final week of the Health and Fitness Challenge I have been participating in with my friend Evelyn and all of my other new friends. I am a little sad about the challenge ending. This challenge was about more than loosing weight it has been about forming healthy habits that can become a way of life. I'm a little worried because I'm not sure that I can keep it up!

For most of the challenge I did really well. I drank at least 64 ounces of water every day, didn't eat after 9:00pm, ate 3 servings of vegetables and 2 of fruit every day. Didn't eat sweets or treats and exercised at least 30 minutes every day! I was feeling good, feeling strong. But after not seeing any weight loss after a week of working hard I felt discouraged and this last week fell back into old habits, I didn't do the things that I should be doing, not just for this challenge, but for the life style that I want to lead!

Since this is the final week I plan to push it hard and do my very best, I don't think I have much of a chance to win (there is a pretty hefty reward) but I feel like if I finish strong and give it my all I will have fewer regrets.

I know that living in the world that we do, and loving desserts as much as I do, there is no way that I can have a perfect diet or even a perfect exercise record all of the time. But I want to do what I can to be healthy and maintain at least some level of fitness.

So, I've thought about where I want to be and what I want to accomplish as far as my health is concerned:

1. I want to have enough energy to play with my kids. They deserve a healthy, active Mom who will go out and play catch, kick a soccer ball, jump on the trampoline and ride bikes! (To reach this goal I plan to put myself to bed earlier and find time in my day to exercise - building up strength and endurance so it will be there when I need it!)

2. I want to provide my family with healthy meals at least 5 nights a week. (Which for me means better planning and more grocery trips.)

3. I want to loose another 30 pounds to be at my "goal weight" and fit into the clothes that I've been hanging on to. (I want to be proud of the girl I see in the mirror, a little self-centered? Maybe, but I think I'm worth it!)

BEFORE:

Just as a point of reference: This picture was taken February 21, 2003 - my awesome roommate Meijn and I bought these silly pants at TJ Maxx. We wore them on their "maiden voyage" to a young single adult dance at ISU where I met my husband. Yeah, we were pretty cool.

NOW:

Here is a more recent picture. Taken March 25, 2013 at my Grandmother's funeral. This is my fabulous sister and I, yeah, she's a lot of fun.

I feel like the last 10 years have not been very kind to me, my body in particular. But that's what being married and having 5 kids will do to a person. It's time that I reclaimed this body! Chocolate does not own me! AND I am worth it!

This may be the end of an 8 week Health and Fitness Challenge, but it just can't be the end! I want to continue forming healthy habits and making them just that, HABITS! I want to be healthy not only for me, but so that I can be the best me for all of those who need ME!

A Yucky Kind of Day

I'm feeling super sad today. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because my house is such a mess, maybe it's because my kids won't stop fighting or maybe it's because I was up all night with a crying baby (for the last week and a half!) Whatever it is though - I'm ready to just give up and go sit in a corner and cry!

I've had some problems with depression in the past, especially since having kids, and have felt myself really fighting it since Sunday. What do you do when you feel depressed?

Right now I feel like I'm at the brink of a cliff, teetering on the edge of a dark pit. I can't see the bottom, but I've been down there and I know how hard it is to climb out again.

I feel like there is a bit of a stigma toward depression, clinical or not, particularly among members of my faith. I've felt it even more since moving to Idaho Falls. No one seems to want to admit their short comings. No one wants to admit that they have a problem, and no one wants to be the one who asks for help.

I've seen studies on it in the past, Latter-day Saint women are one of the groups with the highest depression rate. Mainly because we are trying so hard to be perfect in every aspect of our lives. I think it's great to strive for perfection, but all of us need to realize that perfection is not possible!

I do believe that living in accordance to gospel standards and living the way that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day-Saints teaches is the way to happiness, particularly for me. But I'm not sure that it is the cure all for all depression.

From the time I was very young the answers for depression were "Pray harder," or "Loose yourself in service to others." "Put off the natural man." "Rely on the Spirit." I do believe that this advise is good, and can be helpful, but I don't think that it is all encompassing or all healing.

I've taken anti-depressant medication in the past, and although it helped me through some very difficult times I didn't like who I became on the medication. True I wasn't sad, but I wasn't happy either. I felt like I was just drifting through life in neutral. I was numb to all emotion.

So what is the answer? I've heard things like "Just decide! Decide that you're going to be happy." Will that really work? Can my own will power be enough to squash the depression monster?

Do I just need to accept that life isn't perfect? I cannot control every thing and some days my house is going to be messy and I am going to be too tired to do anything about it.

What makes me a "Good Mom"? Is being a "Good Mom" yelling at my kids until they clean up their messes (leaving me without a voice and my kids in tears) or would I be a better Mom if I just let the mess slide and spend the day watching cartoons and playing video games?

So what's the answer? Is there an answer? Am I the only one dealing with this!?

Since every post is better with pictures: Here is the baby who has decided that he no longer needs to sleep at night.

Easter Pictures

Every Easter we try to take a family picture before church. I don't know why, but it seems like a good tradition, so we've kept it up. As our family has grown it has gotten harder and harder to get everyone ready and out the door in time for church on Sunday mornings. This year Easter was no different. 

We decided to snap our yearly picture(s) quickly before heading to church. The sun was bright so we're all squinting and we look like we were rushed as we threw on church clothes and got ready to leave. The result was some pretty bad pictures, and the reason why I haven't shared them before today. 

Bad as they are, they are the only family pictures we have so far as a family with ALL five of our little boys. Our baby is now 5 months old (time sure flies!)

Here's one of Skyler, our 2 year old, just cause I thought it was cute.